


The Last Sane Man on Babylon 5

by brightephemera



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: Crack, Gen, Silly, Speechifying, bad day at work, pontificating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 03:19:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15015512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightephemera/pseuds/brightephemera
Summary: A morning in the life of long-suffering Lieutenant David Corwin on Babylon 5.





	The Last Sane Man on Babylon 5

“Unknown ship requesting approach, sir.”

Captain Sheridan strolled around C&C, occasionally casting a benevolent glance at the time/date clocks all around. “Ah, spring. That time of year when a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of…”

Corwin felt it was safe to tune out.

The alien hail brought him back. “Bab-ee-lonn Five. We are here to harvest all inferior races on the station. Resist and you will be destroyed.”

Sheridan stopped his droning and adjusted his stance of manly vigor. “Look, whoever the hell you are. I am pontificating! Pontificating is expressly protected under the Babylon 5/Non-Aligned Worlds charter!”

Ivanova cleared her throat, fixed her eyes on Corwin, and jerked her head toward Sheridan. Corwin shook his head hard. Ivanova widened her eyes and gestured again.

So much for today’s shift.

Corwin cleared his throat. “The League of Non-Aligned Worlds never signed that charter, sir.”

Sheridan rounded on him. “What? Then what was that stack of papers on my desk?”

“Proofs of the new letterhead, sir. Not legally binding documents.”

Sheridan took on his bulldog look. “Good faith diplomacy should still prevail! Article Two, Section B, Paragraph- ”

The alien ship was still closing with the station. “The inferior races will be sent to slave colonies. Everybody else, namely, us, can have the station.”

“PARAGRAPH-”

“Aaand now I’m interrupting rules-reading, a violation of Paragraph 77c,” yelled Ivanova. “I’ve broken the law. There’s no telling what I’ll do next! Corwin, activate the defense grid.”

“Sir, the defense grid is only rated for another four hundred transitions before it starts to lose parts.” Amazing, how fast the first thirty thousand had gone.

“If you really care about losing parts, Lieutenant, you will obey that order.”

“Sir. Yes, sir. Defense grid activated.” Time to once again save Babylon 5 from the maniacs.

At least, the ones on the outside.


End file.
